unhealthiest thing that

5 Real Coincidences That Prove God Has a Sick Sense of HumorEven if you’re an atheist of Dawkinsian proportions, there’s a good chance that at some point in your life, you’ve encountered a set of circumstances that made your eyebrows do that weird scrunchy thing that they do. You know, a story so full of irony and/or karmic justice that not only does it suggest the existence of some higher power pulling our strings for its own tepid amusement, but that said higher power’s sense of humor is completely fucked up.5. Hundreds Contract Food Poisoning at the Food Safety SummitFood safety is a big deal. Why? Well, because at some point along the timeline of human evolution, we became giant pussies. Long gone are the days when we were happy gnawing on month old meat and washing it down with water from the shit lagoon. Somewhere along the way, we also invented things like reading and the arts, which quickly supplanted our former most popular pastime (explosive diarrhea)."And you don’t see the correlation here?" nfl jerseys chinaSo yeah, food safety is a big deal. Such a big deal, in fact, that all the food industry bigwigs gather for an annual summit to discuss innovative and effective ways of storing, preparing, and serving food safely. We’re guessing they have an awards ceremony where they hand out trophies shaped like the Ghostbusters logo, except with a salmonella bacterium in place of the ghost.At the 2014 Food Safety Summit in Baltimore, Maryland, nearly 1,300 food safety professionals from organizations such as the Food and Drug Administration, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and McDonald’s (we’re assuming that guy snuck in the back) gathered to discuss how to feed people without also painfully incapacitating them (again, we’re looking at you, McDonald’s guy). On the second day of the convention, the attendees tucked their napkins into their collars, slathered themselves with copious amounts of hand sanitizer, and proceeded to dig into a delicious buffet lunch without so much as a second thought as to the un rottenness of the food. We’d think having "food safety expert" on your business card would make you leery of any food simmering over a sterno, but hey, what do we know?Maybe low heat kills all germs. We’re not the chef of surgery.The following day, the poop began. More than 200 of the attendees found themselves in a newly committed relationship with their hotel room toilet, wondering when their lower intestines had become sentient wholesale nfl jerseys and capable of hate, while simultaneously wishing for a more loving God.Apparently, the chicken Marsala was to blame for their potty pyrotechnics. It turns out attendees had traveled from as far away as Mauritius and Costa Rica to learn all about how to serve food safely, but instead learned everything they never wanted to know about Clostridium perfringens, a shitty little bugger often found on raw poultry. And since more got sick than had even eaten the chicken, it seems likely that there was some cross contamination going on, to boot. So much for all that "employees must wash hands" business.4. A Dude Gets Crushed by an Ironic National Health Service BillboardIn an effort to increase public awareness, Britain’s National Health Service kicked off a campaign of placing billboards across the country encouraging people to live healthier lives. The billboards which the Brits refer to as "hoardings," because apparently everything in England needs to sound like something straight out of a dragon’s lair simply suggested that readers contact their doctor if they were feeling under the weather. They looked something like this:Only much bigger and much, much heavier. The "heavier" part will become painfully important in a moment.Back in February of 2014, on a particularly windy and rainy afternoon (read: an afternoon) in Leicester, England, a man was walking down the street when he noticed that one such billboard was coming detached from the wall it was affixed to and had begun "flapping about." The man went into the building to report the loose sign, after which he and the building’s owner came out and stood beneath it, wondering what should be done about it.They didn’t have to wait long for an answer, and that answer was "RUN!" That’s because, at that precise moment, the 15 by 30 foot sign came flying at them like a Kaiju had just finger flicked it. It missed the building’s owner by inches, but Mr. Good Samaritan wasn’t so lucky it landed plumb on top of him, crushing him beneath it and opening a nasty gash on his head. Shocked bystanders popped their monocles and ran to his aid, some saying the impact was so loud that it sounded like a car crash.All signs point to "this is not your lucky day."Luckily, the man survived and was taken to the hospital to treat his injuries, but that doesn’t change the fact that he had just become the victim of one of the most impossibly ironic accidents ever. To recap: the sign’s purpose was to encourage Cheap NFL Jerseys CHINA people to stay healthy. It did so by asking if the reader was "under the weather." The weather blew it down. A guy got fucking crushed by it (possibly the unhealthiest thing that can happen to a person), along with any hopes he may have had of not being a victim of attempted murder by the cosmos.Uh huh. "Go outside," our moms always said. "You’ll like it out there," they said. Yeah, that’s probably what that dude’s mom told him, too.3. A Thief Gets Robbed by an Act of GodThis is a tale of an Old Testament style smiting from Heavens that would probably have gotten cut from the Bible for being too on the nose. It begins in Kingsport, Tennessee, where the residents of one neighborhood started noticing something strange about their stuff specifically, that they didn’t have it anymore.Then, in July of 2014, a tornado touched down in the neighborhood that leveled the home of Ed’s neighbor, Jerrod Christian. Luckily, Christian wasn’t home at the time. Less luckily, it was because he’d been arrested the previous day. During that incident, Christian told the arresting officer that he was going to "stomp [his] teeth out, stomp [his] mother’s teeth out and rape [his] children." So just in case you were feeling a pang of pity about Mother Nature curb stomping this guy’s house, there’s that.